Movies I Hate

We all know how it feels to hate, loathe, or just mildly dislike a film only to have every other person you know tell you how great it was.  I experience this quite often, which makes me think I'm the weird one.  Nah...I reject that theory.  You all are the crazy ones.  Here's my list of bad movies that you need to change your minds about now!


Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

No film has angered me more in the last 20 years than this one.  I assumed that with Spielberg taking like 19 years to find just the right script, it would have turned out better.  I wonder how bad it would have been if he had only waited like 10 years.  George Lucas has written some of the worst scripts in the history of film and this is probably the worst of them all.  But, we can't blame poor Georgie for all of it.  The acting is bad, the filming is bad, the story is bad.  Ok, I'm done.  No, I'm not.  How can a director as brilliant as the great Steven Spielberg film scenes that look like they were shot in front of a big canvas screen (you remember how they used to do it in the old days).  I still can't believe I run into people who enjoyed this junk.  As far as I'm concerned, there are only three Indiana Jones movies.

Pay it Forward

This is the most manipulative movie I have ever seen.


Ok, let me just say one thing.  Shrek is not funny.  Mike Myers is not funny (see Love Guru).  Talk about an overrated movie.

Gone with the Wind

One of the things that irritates me about old movies is that they were still transitioning from stage to film.  The actors didn't know how to act in front of the camera.  They would yell out all their lines and over-emote, not realizing the camera could pick up the more subtle nuances.  Because of this, you get these really over the top performances that are just annoying.


Romeo and Juliet (Leonardo DiCaprio Version)

I love DiCaprio (Departed, Catch Me if You Can, Gangs of New York, Inception), but this movie is so bizarre.  I can see how it is a bit artful in some ways, but definitely not for me.


Billy Madison

Adam Sandler can be funny about once every ten movies (see Happy Gilmore and Wedding Singer), but this is ridiculous. My 5 year old could write a better script than this.


Pirates of the Caribbean

I must admit that I liked the scenes with Depp (who doesn't), but that seemingly never ending sword fight at the end made me incredibly sleepy.  Those ghost pirates (or whatever they were) can't even die (and they don't bleed), so where's the suspense.


The Mummy

Brenden Frasier was the go-to guy for stupid movies at one point (see George of the Jungle, Mummy 2 through 14, and Journey to the Center of the Earth).


Matrix (Reloaded and Revolutions)

Rocky Marciano was the only boxer to ever retire undefeated.  The Wachowski brothers (I should I say "sisters" now) should have taken a lesson from him and retired following the 4 star classic Matrix film. Now they've tarnished their reputation forever (and Speed Racer and Cloud Atlas don't help either).


Star Wars (Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones)

My brother Eric and I camped out all night for tickets to Phantom Menace.  Boy, was it so not worth it.  These Star Wars prequels are so bad in comparison to the original Star Wars movies.  Do you know why?  George Lucas wrote all of them.  The Empire Strikes back, arguably the best of all six movies, wasn't written or directed by LucasI should concede, though, that the Darth Maul fight scene stands out as one of the best scenes in any Stars Wars film, but it's not enough to rescue this disaster of a movie.

Austin Powers

I laughed about 5 times during Austin Powers, about 1 time during the second one, and zero times during the third.  That's an average of 2 laughs per film.  Not nearly good enough for my hard earned cash.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for...blah blah

This guy annoys me.  The naked man fight was not my favorite either.


Blair Witch Project

Not scary, not interesting, not really a movie.  So what is it?

Mrs. Doubtfire

Robin Williams was great in Good Will Hunting and Awakenings.  When he was doing comedy, though, he was atrocious.  I know this is sort of rude considering his roots were in stand-up comedy and that fact that he's very tragically passed on, but I just don't think the guy is that funny at all (see Death to Smoochy, RV, Patch Adams, Flubber, the Birdcage)

Mission Impossible (the first one) 

Huh, I still don't get the plot.  Who's that guy? What's he doing?  What's the point of this?



"I don't want to miss a thing" is an interesting theme song for this movie.  I had quite the opposite reaction.  I wanted to miss the whole thing.


The Lost World (Jurassic Park II)

 Something about a dinosaur running around the city trying to eat people just reminded me of Godzilla.  Come on Spielberg, you can do better!  In his defense, though, the Michael Crichton book (the source material) is lame.



I remember when this came out.  It seemed like it played in our theater for about 3 months.  The only explanation for its longevity is a positive word of mouth.  The only explanation for that is that there isn't one.  Why people???


Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

My family likes to mock Kevin Costner's performance in this film because he keeps switching back and forth between an American and British accent, sometimes in the same sentence.  To me, this film is actually a less credible version of Robin Hood than Mel Brooke's version Robin Hood: Men in Tights.